we have pet lesbian snakes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
