Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
