suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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