I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is the high leading the old right now
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
