I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
