He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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