dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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