Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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