Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
