I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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