Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
