I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize