There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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