Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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