i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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