I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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