Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
