let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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