shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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