Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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