Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
