you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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