remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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