No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
