We're facebook friends in real life
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
