fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
