I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
