I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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