youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
