Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
