Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
