I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
