Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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