Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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