Kiss
Puke
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
