we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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