i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
