Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
