is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
