stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
How external is "for external use only"?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
