Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
