this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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