I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he shaved USA in his pubs
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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