this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
