Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
