I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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