YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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