Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
