i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
