i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
