Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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