you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
