dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
