The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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