his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
