I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize