hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
