I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize