***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
