i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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