I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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