so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
