you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
