Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
