you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
