Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
