In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
