True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
