4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize