Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
