seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
