Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
