What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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