I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
