Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
