peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
