I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
