someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
