Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
