I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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