I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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