My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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