he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
