Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
