she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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