I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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